Is Porn Really Ruining Your Sex Life?

If you ask the average person on the street how porn can change you, they will tell you the same old story that we always here: “porn gives you unrealistic expectations of sex” and that “porn corrupts”.
Internet porn concept

For the most part though, that is wrong. Yes, there are some people out there who take porn as fact. These people might believe that, yes, women get wet as soon as you look at them, or that getting her to scream your name while having multiple orgasms is as easy as one, two, or three fingers in her pussy. There are even some out there who think anal sex requires no preparation whatsoever, but these people are in the minority.

The majority of us know better. We understand that what we see on a porno is fantasy. It’s like any other kind of media. After all, we don’t believe the things we see while watching Game of Thrones, so why would we believe porn?

While we know better, that doesn’t stop people from preaching about porn’s corrupting influence. In fact, a new theatre production has been released that will look into the “impact of porn” on us and suggests that sex would be better if we never watched porn.

“We Want You To Watch”

The show has been produced by the National Theatre, and is called “We Want You to Watch”. They aim to take a “provocative and playful” look at porn, and in a recent interview members from the theatre company and the director spoke out about the show.

For one of them, she is eager to address what she considers to be “one of the biggest problems we have”, and that is heterosexual pornography. She believes that “the ubiquitous images and films of men degrading, raping and being violent to women, for the sexual pleasure of the viewer, affect us on a profound level.”

Not only that, but she goes on to say that “it affects the sex we have, the way we think about our bodies, about men and women, about pleasure, power and desire.”

Now I’m not entirely sure what kind of porn she has been looking at, but I don’t think I can ever recall watching rape porn or violent porn, so I don’t think that “the majority of heterosexual pornography” is like this. That sort of thing is a niche market, and you’d find it on the more extreme websites. It isn’t likely to pop up on the first page of Pornhub, for example.

Abbi believes that “sex could be better, wilder and freer without it. Or at least the version of porn that we have now.”

Experiences of porn

Honestly, given the way they speak about porn I’m not entirely sure what they have been watching. Yes, porn is mostly focused on the pleasure of the guy, while the woman simply fakes it with moans and groans to make the person watching spurt their spunk everywhere, but I don’t think I would say that porn is “the sexualisation of violence against women”. In fact, most of the porn that I’ve watched has been just sex and, when it gets a little rough, it is simply hard sex, not violence.

However, in their interview they began to talk about their previous experiences of sex. Helen, one of the two women from the theatre company, said that she had no previous knowledge of porn, as she “had a romanticised, sanitised idea of the industry with little concept of reality.”

Abbi, another from the theatre company, said that “porn has never been a part of my life” and that “there have been accidental online pop-ups, and parties at university where pirate porn would casually be playing in the background, but I’ve never gone looking for it.”

The director of the show, Caroline, was the only one who actually admitted to willing watching porn, describing how it was in the mid-80s if you wanted to watch the stuff on TV. She describes it, saying “we set an alarm to go off late at night so we wouldn’t miss a single minute” before going on to explain that “now you can type porn into Google, and click on the first clip that comes up”.

Now to me, the most honest response is Caroline’s. She’s saying how accessible porn is, and that could be the problem we are facing, not the actual porn itself. However, I find it hard to believe that the two other women have not, as some point in their lives, sat down to watch porn on purpose. I will admit that I have and still do watch porn. In fact, I’ll even watch it with the guy I’m dating at the time!

Pro-sex or anti-porn?

Abbi states, quite simply, that “the show is pro-sex”, but from what I’m seeing and reading it might be better to say it is “anti-porn”. I get that porn isn’t for everyone, but I think that they have been looking at the deepest and darkest part of the internet for too long. Yes, there are some things out there that might be a little horrifying to watch, but there are also plenty of good pornos that don’t even touch on those sensitive topics.

Quite rightly so, they do point out that “the subject is a political and emotional minefield” and that “it is something people feel so strongly about on both sides.” I know how I feel about it – how do you feel about porn?

I think that porn could ruin your sex life if you believe that everything that happens on the screen is totally 100% true. It isn’t and in order to maintain a healthy and fun sex life, we need to remember that porn isn’t real. It is a fantasy for us to enjoy and think about, and it would be a pretty boring fantasy if they had the same problems in the bedroom as we do.

Do you think that porn can ruin your sex life? Is it all about moderation, or should porn be changing into something else? Let us know by leaving a comment in the box below or by visiting the Escort Sweden forum.

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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