A Guide To Tantric Sex
October 19, 2015
Have you ever had an ecstatic sexual moment? Have you ever felt deeply connected, forgetting all about the act of sex, the orgasm chase, the “intercourse as a leisure interest or as a way to restart after a long day”?
I hope your answer is YES because intense sexual experiences are one of human beings’ most tremendous source of satisfaction. However, in a society where, instead of giving pleasure, people’s fears and frustrations are fed, where we hit each other with stresses and distractions, sex is nothing more than a hobby.
But is this enough? According to experts, the average duration of sex nowadays is of 10-15 minutes, excluding the surrealistic porn movies, of course. I can understand that for some men, who believe that sex is just a way to unload, might be satisfying for a while, but dear men, did you know that women can take about 20 minutes to become completely aroused?
So, riding each others like bicycles is deeply unsatisfying for most of us. Even for men! Just putting it in and out until reaching the climax can become boring. We need to connect and feel the pleasure without thinking about the end of the experience. Maybe that’s why we live in the world where relationships don’t last, and we are in a continuous search.
We are always “looking forward to something” and, in this case, is having an orgasm. How about just stop waiting for things, and just enjoy the moment, for a while?
Think Less, Feel More- What is Tantra?
Tantra means to weave, to manifest and create, so you can think about it as an art. Yes, many consider it a religion, but it is far from being one, since the centre of this practice is your own body, without creating any conflict between body and soul, between human and gods.
So, no, you don’t have to be religious to practice tantric sex; you just have to relax, accept yourself and your body and see if tantra works for you, though it’s kind of difficult in the world where body shaming is a trend. Just look at it like an artistic act, a positive transformation.
Following the Tantra practices in your bedroom might help you receive and offer more pleasure than you ever imagined, through understanding that sex doesn’t have to be the daily hunt, the “sports session with happy ending”, but a whole different experience, euphoric and explosive even before reaching an orgasm.
Intimacy Is Not Purely Physical – What is Tantric Sex?
As I said, don’t think about tantra as a religion. How should you see it? Tantra teaches you how to have a deep sexual act, transforming it from doing to actually being. OK, don’t be scared of these words. The idea is that, in order to get more from sex, you must see it like a connection, like the amazing act that it is, and not like the trip to your 5-second orgasm.
You do realize that sometimes you’re moving back and forth thinking about those 5 seconds, don’t you? Isn’t it a waste of time? Every time we stop enjoying the tremendous present moments, being anxious or worried about the future ones, we waste a lot of our time. And the worst part is that we waste the interesting part, the one that makes us truly happy and connected with ourselves and everything else.
So, what’s in this tantra thing besides no orgasm and the “Carpe diem” idea? Well, nobody said anything about not being an orgasm involved. There is an orgasm. Actually there are more, for both men and women, but you have to take everything slow. Now that you read “multiple orgasms” you are already making plans to have them, right? You see? You’re not ready, yet!
To answer the question, let me tell you that tantra is about loving your own body and honor your partner’s, it’s about intimacy, relaxation and connection.
Some might say that tantra use sex to rise higher than it, but when you experience tantric sex you actually enjoy the whole act, and the fact that you are able to feel the kisses, your partner’s hands on you, the emotion you create ( since you’re not concentrating on your final destination) makes the sex experience more powerful than ever.
Shall We Play a Game? – Stop Chasing the Orgasm!
People who practice Tantra think about the whole existence like being a never-ending orgasm. Now, don’t let your imagination go wild because when you come back you’ll say that this is bullshit.
Actually it’s not. As mentioned, the main idea is to learn how to enjoy everything, exactly when you are doing it and to do it for the moment, without thinking about anything else.
Yes, I know that children must be taken from school, you need to take the garbage out and that deadline is really close but…STOP! If you think about the bloody deadline while having sex, you won’t enjoy any part of it. Not even the orgasm…
Also, thinking about tantric sex like a set technique is bad, because you risk making everything mechanical and that’s something we don’t need.
That’s why, you don’t have a list of steps you must follow, just a few tips to think about. Except that, everything depends on you, your partner and what makes you tremble.
One thing you should think about is FOREPLAY. It depends on you how long your foreplay is, but just don’t RUSH! Some people play for a couple of days before having sex. And do you know how that helps? Not focusing on the sexual act allows people relax and release the pressure sex comes with, in the 21st century.
So, after losing all the goals of sex, what do we have left? ENJOYING GIVING AND RECEIVING PLEASURE. Isn’t this what sex is all about? What you can do, in order to forget all about your daily worries and not think about “who’s cooking dinner?”, while giving or receiving a blowjob for example, is take care of your intimacy with rituals. So, get used to having constant moments when nothing else matters.
Many like sharing a bottle of wine naked in bed, others enjoy taking baths together. You can do these kinds of things without thinking about the actual sexual act. Why? They help you connect with yourselves and each other without having any targets and missions.
Paying attention to what your partner likes is very important, as well. So, stimulate each other in the ways you both like. Describe how you would like to be touched and listen to your partners’ desires. Besides being an intense experience, this will also make you BECOME BETTER LOVERS.
Also, why not include whatever you find exciting? Do you like vibrators or massages? Why not use them? Feathers, blindfold or whatever you find arousing are welcomed in your bed.
Furthermore, experimenting with a different position is desirable. This is the whole point of intimate connection: to discover who you both are, what you like, to get closer to each other and be confident in everything you are doing. So yes, try male-dominant, as well as female-dominant position, while being unselfish and responsive, strong and tender.
Does this sound difficult? Yes, being “in the moment” and intimate is not very easy for workaholics and people who see the world in “black and white” but take a break, breath and offer yourself the chance to see all the colours.
All of these tips are, as you can see, strongly connected to communication. This is the most important part of a healthy sexual or non-sexual relationship. Communicate through all the means you have and can find.
And remember that the tantric sexual act doesn’t have a goal, a beginning or an end. It helps you enjoy the present moment and be part of an ethereal union, making sex a passionate and intimate act of art.
As mentioned before, thanks to the thoughtful concept tantra are based on, and to the intensity of the present feelings it involves, both people involved in tantric sex can experience several orgasms in a single sexual act.
BUT THAT STORY IS FOR ANOTHER TIME. Don’t rush into this because you risk losing the experience. So, just take it slow, learn how to play with a woman, dance with a man, touch each other, kiss your bodies, forget about “WHENs” and get lost in whatever you are doing right now. If you stop planning your intimate moments and setting sexual goals, you will get caught in some very deep moments. Isn’t this what we all want…and need?
She is most well known for her sex advice pieces, yet also has a major interest in sexual health and other serious issues. However, this is all done with a quirky style that is unmistakably hers.
When she isn't working, Anna is a fitness fanatic, and enjoys going away with her partner for various weekend trips.
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