Vanilla Sex Might Be Ruining Your Sex Life

February 23, 2016

Sex is different for every person. You might enjoy nothing more than hard and fast sex, but your partner might prefer something a little more intimate. Sometimes, we want to try something a bit kinkier, exploring sex outside of our comfort zones to see what it feels like. For plenty of people, they won’t ever be that adventurous in the bedroom. After all, they know what they like when it comes to sex, and if they like vanilla sex then there is nothing wrong with that, right?

Well, it seems that having too much vanilla sex can actually be bad for your sex life. Yes, you may know what you want, but in order to have a hot, passionate, and long lasting sex life, you might need to swap the vanilla for something a little more exotic, kinky, and fun. Here on the XEscorts blog we take a look at why vanilla sex could kill your sex life, and what you can do to make your sex sessions even hotter with the help of kink.

What does vanilla sex actually mean?

Lots of people talk about vanilla sex… but what is it that they mean when they say this? Vanilla sex is, quite simply, another way of saying conventional sex.

This means that the sex you have will be seen as conventional and acceptable by society. It won’t involve anything kinky, and the chance to explore your fetish just doesn’t come up. You don’t want to complicate the sex too much, as vanilla is all about the act of sex.

Some people look at vanilla sex as boring. They want their sex kinkier, and that is their choice. Others really enjoy vanilla as it keeps things simple, giving them the time to focus on what they think really matters, which is the act of sex itself and making their partner feel great.

However, for a lot of people, vanilla sex is seen as “sweet” and “unadventurous”, meaning that they feel sex becomes really boring and predictable. Being predictable in bed is one of the last things you want, but it is for this reason that people believe sex of the vanilla variety isn’t good for you.

What studies have found

We’re always curious about what we can do to ensure our sex life is as good as it could be, and so that inspired what seems to be one of the largest studies ever to look specifically at what makes your sex life great for longer.

The study involved asking nearly 40,000 married and co-habiting heterosexual couples about their sex lives. Each couple had been together for around three or more years, some of them even spending over two decades of their time together. You might be thinking that this isn’t really fair on the same-sex couples, but it seems that a similar study is in the works.

The couples, aged between 18 and 65, showed to the researchers that age, children, and other factors didn’t really change how often or how satisfying they viewed their sex lives. What they did find, however, was that a willingness to try new things was essential.

David Frederick, lead author and assistant professor in health psychology at Chapman University, told the Chicago Tribune that “what set sexually satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas” from things like self-help books, magazine articles, or even kinky things that their partner wanted to try.

Simple ways to spice things up

It seems that the best way to have a long lasting sex life is to try things outside of the realm of vanilla, but if you have only really enjoy vanilla sex, what can you do to gently ease yourself into trying new things?

First of all, you should take the time to sit down with your partner. Explain to them that you want to make sex a little bit more exciting. Let them know that you aren’t usually one to enjoy or even try kinkier sex, but you are eager to step outside your comfort zone.

Most of the time, your partner will know exactly what to do to help ease you into it, but if they don’t, there are some simple things you can do. For a start, why not try a new position? Instead of always going on top or lying back while she goes cowgirl, try something more exciting. We aren’t saying you have to break your back to get into a complicated position from the Kama Sutra, but trying something else can really help.

Often, the little changes can make a big difference and make you more willing to spice up your sex life. Why not take a look at fucking harder and faster? Tell your partner that you want them to ride you as hard and fast as they can. You’ll notice the difference, feel kinky, and get one hell of a show!

Getting kinkier in the bedroom

Once you have taken these first steps outside of your comfort zone, going further doesn’t seem quite as challenging. Why not try fulfilling a fantasy you have always had? Let your partner know that you’d love to see them dressed in a kinky outfit. You don’t have to do the roleplay associated with it, but a lot of the time you’ll find it easier to act out your fun if they are dressed in a hot and kinky way.

Sex toys are always a fun way to add that little spice to your vanilla. Worried about taking a big vibrator into the bedroom? Buy a small vibrating bullet. You can keep it tucked away until that perfect moment, and many of them are waterproof. This means that you can carefully hold it in your cheek while going down on her, ensuring you give her an oral sex session to remember.

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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.